


The Gentle Quiet

by NomadandNothing (nomadwanderer)



Category: Actor RPF, Captain America (Movies) RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: All of the above but also kind of not..., BDSM, Dom Chris Evans, Dom/sub, Light BDSM, M/M, Sub Sebastian, Subspace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 04:17:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8386903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomadwanderer/pseuds/NomadandNothing
Summary: He misses the gentle quiet. His body remembers the slowing of his heartbeat, one moment a crushing rhythm against his ribs and then, like a corner turned, something clicking into place it would calm, the whole world calm and clear all at once.





	

 

 

He misses the gentle quiet. His body remembers the slowing of his heartbeat, one moment a crushing rhythm against his ribs and then, like a corner turned, something clicking into place it would calm, the whole world calm and clear all at once. His legs beg to stretch open and out, the familiar slip of hands up warm thighs before the stinging fullness of being entered. 

 

He misses the weight most of all. The heavy thump of the wood kissing skin, tender pain a welcome reprieve against anxious thoughts, a worried mind. The weight of cuffs, bought purposefully thick and sturdy as they pull him up and out and open. Mostly he misses the weight of a body, heavy limbs closing over him, holding him down, holding him close. 

 

_ Stop.  _

 

_ Stop and know you can't have that anymore.  _

 

The world has opened up to him, roles, parts, scripts piled high on the desk by the window waiting, expectant. A future bright and starkly illuminated. All those lights turned for him, on him. All those flash bulbs. All that  _ exposure.  _

 

_ You want this.  _

 

_It’s a small thing to give up. You don't want to be that guy,_ _you know...the freak, caught out, sold out._

 

Before he’d danced. Mind drifting clear behind a silk blindfold, his face turned up begging for more. He could hear the crowd behind him, small sounds of appreciation as the whip caressed him again and again and again he wanted it, begged for it. 

 

Dark clubs, whispered needs, hasty negotiations via text, quickly deleted. Even then he was careful. But it was all over now, he couldn't, not anymore. 

 

But he can feel the heat, need build. The longing for quiet nothing, heavy weight, knowing pain. 

 

And that invitation, the whispered careful words that salted the wound, preoccupied the hours since. They hung in the space between them, haunting and cruel sincerity. 

 

_ “I swear, I'll look after you. I know how much you need it...I want it too ... I'll make it good.” stunted, desperate words fearful and hopeful at once.  _

 

Chris had kept his voice low, even though they were perfectly alone and asked. Anxiety and desire conflicting in his eyes.

 

He wishes he'd never told him. Never gotten drunk and sad one night in London and monologued at the bruising dawn. Kicking beer bottles about the rooftop while hissing about his fears. 

 

Chris had started it, of course, tossing back a few before declaring the need to see open sky, count the stars. Knowing well Sebastian’s weaknesses. 

 

Covers and pillows were stripped off startled beds. Laughter successfully snorted back as luck allowed them up and out and all alone. The pile of disgruntled bedding laid out under strangely perfect skies. 

 

So they'd collapsed amid the hotel white pillows on the filthy cement floor. A bottle of jack shared between them and watched the moonless night pass slowly overhead. 

 

And sometime just before dawn. When the clever first flickers lick the sky, Sebastian had broken. He'd broken his promise, broken down and trusted. 

 

“ _ You don't understand. I loved it. I loved the fucking sure but it wasn't really about that. It kept me sane. Let me… Let go. Shit. I’m strung so tight sometimes I can barely breathe.” _

 

Chris, always the first with a kind word had been silent. Eyes sad and worried. But, he'd immediately pulled him close, held him for a long enough moment for it to be enough. Enough for now. 

 

But now he wants it. Now he knows it's there. Trust enough to know he can have this, he wants…

 

Before his resolve returns, before fear, before day he texts. Too scared to call, to hear the offer revoked, the warmth turned icy in Chris's denial. 

 

_ Yes. Please.  _

 

And almost immediately, in the space between one breath and the next he receives a reply. Simple, terrifying, amazing. 

 

_ Good. I'm coming over. _

 

 

 

 


End file.
